Junior Researcher Tanny using SCP-1557-J to aid in writing SCP-4156's article. (August 3rd, 2019, ██:██)
Item #: SCP-1557-J

Object Class: Safe for children ages 3 and up.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1557-J is to remain in a queue for researchers to use when writing informational articles. SCP-1557-J is to be thoroughly disinfected prior to each transfer of possession. Access Level 0 is needed to handle SCP-1557-J. Under no circumstances are any personnel to bite down with pressure exceeding 9 kilograms to prevent choking hazards.

Queue #:

Description: SCP-1557-J is an abnormally shaped wooden block approximately 6x6x6 centimeters large. Most of SCP-1557-J's surface is covered in human tooth marks.?
Note made August 3rd, 2019: Due to having a medium-sized chunk bitten out of it, the object class has been changed from "Safe" to "Safe for children ages 3 and up".

- Dr. Kaiza



Test 1 - 07/07/2019
Subject(s):
D-74893

Supplies:
None.

Procedure:
The subject was instructed to bite down softly on SCP-1557-J.

Results:
The subject came up with an idea for the novel they had been working on for the past five years.

Analysis:
SCP-1557-J does indeed cure writer's block as claimed.

Test 2 - 07/14/2019
Subject(s):
D-74893

Supplies:
iPad: 1

Procedure:
The subject was instructed to bite down in "a mildly stronger fashion than last time" on SCP-1557-J.

Results:
The subject "whipped" out his iPad, completed his novel, and was immediately executed on the spot for uploading a non-fictional tagged novel titled A Slice of Life From Site-██ to the Apple store.?
I would like someone to explain to me who allowed this D-Class personnel to have an iPad, as well as who gave him the WiFi password.

- Dr. Kaiza


Analysis:
No further testing is needed. In order to increase faculty production, SCP-1557-J is to be placed in a linear queue for researchers to use while writing their articles.

Test 3 - 08/03/2019
Subject(s):
Junior Researcher Tanny?
Please refrain from testing SCPs on our Junior Researchers. I don't care if it would be "funny", or "cool", or even "cray-cray".

- Dr. Kaiza


Supplies:
None.

Procedure:
The subject was told to forcefully bite down on SCP-1557-J.

Results:
The subject accidentally bit a medium-sized chunk off of SCP-1557-J and proceeded to choke on it in surprise. Luckily, an emergency response team was on site to resuscitate the subject.

Analysis:
SCP-1557-J is not suitable for children under the age of 3.

Or idiots.


Important Announcement

Audio Log Transcribed

<Begin Log>

The sound of intense throat-clearing blares over the loudspeakers as they suddenly turn on.

A faint, nervous, voice in the background makes its appearance. Uhm, sir. The microphone is on.

Oh! Startled, an official-sounding voice begins to speak. Uh, good morning Site-██.

There is a brief pause, along with a slight sniffle and a sigh. The official-sounding voice returns, it seems as though it is holding back tears.

I am sad to announce the death of Junior Researcher Tanny. He was truly a saint as well as a keyboard demon in the moments leading up to his death. He was, in fact, the best of both worlds. Being "funny", "cool", and "cray-cray" were just a small fraction of the things that he was known for.

If only his--uh, his um, hold on a sec'. A loud clack radiates from the loudspeakers. The sound of wood.

If only his short life wasn't just a slight bit longer, we might have realized what was wrong. The splinter we retrieved from his throat during the autopsy has been ceremoniously tossed into the incinerator in order to power our facility. Now, even in death his memory can empower us all to be the most productive in writing up our reports as we could ever be.

This has been a sad farewell. Dr. Kaiza out.

<End Log>